December 31, 2004

Happy?

I've done some really stupid things in the past few days.  I think I'm having some kind of an epiphany...or I may just be thinking to hard.  At any rate, I have all of these feelings and thoughts that I don't know how to handle.  I don't know how I feel and I don't know what to say.  All I know is that I feel something that I can't describe.  It's something nice, you know.  A feeling you want to have.  At the same time though, I don't want to feel this way.  These feelings never last long -- it's always a countdown before someone or something rips them away from you.  What's life without risk though.  Who cares...I'll try to feel this way for as long as I can.  I like it (right now), I hope it's mutual and  I hope it wants to stick around....  Happy New Year (I guess)
Posted by BacardiSilver at 18:12:14 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

December 22, 2004

Sleepless...again

I should be sleeping, but right now I just can't.  Why would someone say one thing and then do another, then completely turn around and do something completely different then what they say and do.  People are fucked up - to be quite honest with you.  I suppose it's human nature, though, to lie.  I guess disappointment is a given.  There's always someone that has to receive the aching, right? Maybe I'm reading into this too much, maybe it's a miscommunication of sorts.  All I know is that there is at least a little bit of sunshine in my life...and there it is!
Posted by BacardiSilver at 05:31:27 | Permanent Link | Comments (3) |

December 21, 2004

I'm not sure...

There are no sentences or heartfelt song lyrics to describe any of my feelings right now.  I've Dawson's Creeked myself to death and I still can't find out what the hell I'm doing or thinking.  Pieces of pieces remain uncovered, the only thing I feel at this very moment is that there are things left to be said and things that are waiting to be said.  I am both the giver and the receiver of these words, the only question is when they will arrive.  Fun has arrived in the form of my best friend, now is the time to go.  Every now and then you need a release, don't you?
Posted by BacardiSilver at 23:33:15 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

December 17, 2004

There's always a time in your life where you're at the "what now?" point.  I think I've hit it.  Gladly I can say that I've found people that will help me through it.  I just can't wrap my head around this lurking feeling. The one where you've done so much, but still feel like you haven't...you know.

                                                                       - Julie

Posted by BacardiSilver at 04:42:18 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

December 16, 2004

Leaving me...

My life feels like it's collapsing all around me. This is no way to feel when you have the flu. Stress and the flu are two deadly mates. Together they do damage. I need to get rid of one, but I don't know which will be easier. My impatience is consuming me. I really can't take much of this. This chair is no longer comfortable. This is a weak move, but I'm going to go have a cigarette. At least I've found my escape... but it's not the cigarette. - Julie
Posted by BacardiSilver at 18:48:22 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

December 13, 2004

What next?

We've spent the night wallowing in self-pity, so to speak.  However, it was a night of discovery.  What I thought I was doing really wasn't what I was doing at all.  I've been going about things and doing things all wrong.  Just when I thought I didn't know who cared about me and whom I cared about the most... It became obvious. The people who I care the most about and who care about me are right in front of my face.  If you're reading this and questioning if you are one of those people, then you probably aren't.  It sounds harsh, but if you have to question how much a person loves you are they must not mean that much to you.  I think I've figured a few things out for now and I'll carry on my way... But the ever present question is with all the things I've said and all then things I've learned: what do I do now?

                                                                        - J

Posted by BacardiSilver at 00:47:24 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

December 07, 2004

The Writings on the Wall

It seems that I only seem to lay down my thoughts after a weekend of fun.  Fun does not begin to describe it.  There is an endless list of words that could, but at this moment I can only find phrases.

The writings on the wall went something like this:

"Friends don't let friends take ugly guys home".  This is true, but just because "friends don't let friends take ugly guys home, did anyone ever say anything about creepy ones?"  The thought was indefinitely playing on our minds, yet we all remained silent.  Our actions were questionable, but cannot be called stupid because "people today become stupid by the people of tomorrow" and how can that ever happen when tomorrow never comes.  Think about it... My life is becoming a storybook.  The pages, however, are becoming deeper and deeper as they turn.  My fingers are getting sore, "I'm so fucking hammered", I'm tired and am in need of some well deserved dreaming.

And those were the writings on the wall...

Posted by BacardiSilver at 05:15:31 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

December 01, 2004

Another day... Pt.II

Just so that we're clear on things.  It's guys in general that suck, ex-boyfriends specifically.  Why is that they run away from you when you still like them, but when you're finished being depressed and finally wake up to realize that you too have a life they run towards you at full speed?  I need to stop thinking so hard...I'm giving myself a migraine :D
Posted by BacardiSilver at 04:04:34 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

Another day...

I'm bored.  Bored out of my mind.  Bored and tired.  I hate work and I hate school.  I'm stressed out and confused.  I just realized a very important thing.  Guys suck.  They do.  They say one thing, do another, say more things and then just when you thought life couldn't get more confusing, they do something completely out of the ordinary.  I'm so pissed off I'm going to write a book.
Posted by BacardiSilver at 02:52:55 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |